Rough, Ready and RAW

.coconut oil.


gearing up to embrace a raw diet for a bit.
big ol' lifestyle change.
leafing through tons of recipes, and ehhhh.
we will see.

you crusty fuck

dude.
this might be the best pizza crust yet.
let me just say it is. for sure. the best yet.
holy dough balls. I've been praying to the pizza gods.

No-Knead Pizza Dough

I procured this recipe from a bro named Jim Lahey. It was published in bon appetit. hell yes.

wisk together in a bowl:

7 1/2 cups all purpose flour (you will need more for shaping)
4 tsp fine sea salt
1/2 tsp. active dry yeast

gradually add 3 cups of water. the recipe did not say cold or warm....so i did that shit tepid.

mix the flour/salt/yeast together...use your hands to form a rough ball. it will be sticky and big.

cover with plastic wrap, in a draft free spot.

let sit for 18 hours.
yes that's right....18 hours. it should be doubled and bubbly.

after the long wait dump the ball on a well floured surface and make smaller balls.
the recipe says 6 small balls, I did four.
let these guys rest and poof. about 1 hour or 2.

then make your mother'fuckin'' pizza pie

make sure the oven is on as high as you can get it.....550 is what I was able to get.
it cooks fast.

the less toppings the better

when it comes out drizzle olive oil on top, or truffle oil.

more ideas here:
http://bitchnthekitch.blogspot.com/2011/03/ultimate-pizza-party-with-organic-free.html


quality bitch

Stick it in this one!

kinds of awesome pie:

Concord Grape: you will impress your friends, get another date, maybe get laid. this pie is that good.

 The concord grape pie is the shit! It takes a bit longer to make then most pies....but it is fucking worth it. The process is as follows: shuck each grape. one by one you squeeze the grapes. put the skins in one bowl and the gooey eye-bally stuff in a pot that will go on the stove. One pie uses 4 cups of grapes. This process seems daunting but as you can see below I made myself a strong cup of coffee, and the job went by quick. I forget what I was listening too at the time. Alright, so, when you are all done put the pot on the stove top and simmer for 5-7 min. This will allow the seeds to loosen from the goo. You will then pour the gooey grape matter threw a colander and with a rubber spatula work the goo threw.Yeah I said that.
Now you add the skins back to the unseeded goo. and whisk in 2 tablespoons cornstarch, sugar (this is up to you how much you want to put in) I did some maple syrup and some sugar. and depending how sweet your grapes are??? just taste it. that is the only way to tell. you can add a pinch of nutmeg or cinnamon. I like to put nutmeg in the crust instead of in the fruit.

                                                                                          

now....any other fruit pie you want to make is basically the same deal, without the cooking, and shucking.

 pick/skin/cut your fruit. place into a bowl and add any kind of sugar you want.

  if the fruit is all runny and shit then add 1 to 2 tablespoons of cornstarch. This will make the fruit filling gel after it cools. 

with apple and pear filling add cinnamon. 

with cherry add a tiny pinch of nutmeg. 

biggest pie boner you can pull: cutting into your pie before it FULLY cools.  we call this impatient pie at my house.

EAT MY FUCKIN PIE, ASSHOLE!!!! part I: CRUST

 A special  post by Kerrin and Wendy at the same time!

Pie. It's amazing. I don't know what else to say about it.

Well...there are two parts to making an awesome fucking pie. The crust and the filling.

But let's be real here....it is all about the crust. Flaky, buttery, golden, crust. That's what you want. That's what everybody wants.  

Oh yea baby, lets start with the crust. Pie crust is really easy, so don't bitch out and buy one of those nasty ones from the shop n bag. Seriously, you don't have to knead, you actually don't even have to roll it out, so don't be a wuss. Do it yourself.

All you have to do is mix solid fat into flour without melting it, and then add a teensy bit of water to it so that it forms a dough lump. Alright, I sort of lied about the solid fat thing, you actually can use a liquid fat, but if you want your shit to be extra awesome, you'll  use solid fat, because the little chunks of fat are what make your crust flake up and fly right. You'll want to keep your cute little fat chunks from melting into liquid, so chill your fats and your water before you start.

Let's be real: Butter is the shit in pie crust. The only thing that makes a better pie crust than butter is bear fat, and you probably don't have any. Coconut oil, lard, and vegetable shortening will all do the trick. If you're a cool guy that saves his bacon grease, you can even use that, and let me tell you: it rules at crust for an apple pie.  Usually we use a combination of fats, depending on what's hangin' out in the kitchen when the pie lust falls upon us.

Here's a basic crust recipe to get ya started:

This is for one crust. You can double this (for a two crust pie, or two bottom only crusts) or if you make pie crust like me and wendy we just eye it out and go by feel.  Making pie crusts is like making sweet love: you get better at it with practice. Don't worry about it, even the shittiest homemade crust is better than anything you can buy premade.

• 1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/2 cup butter, chilled and diced
• 1/4 cup ice water

Directions

1. In a large bowl, combine flour and salt. [If you want your crust to be sweet, you can add a few tablespoons of sugar. You could also add cinnamon at this point, but our favorite secret ingredient is a grating of fresh nutmeg.]
2. Cut in butter with one of these here thingamabobs [or not, but read the article] until mixture resembles coarse crumbs.  
3. Stir in water, a tablespoon at a time, until mixture forms a ball. Don't knead it. 
4. Cover and set aside for at least 15-20 minutes to allow the gluten to relax and make it easier to roll out.  If it's summer and your balls are hangin low instead of freezing off,  you'll want to put the dough in the fridge during this time. You can also make it ahead and let it hang in the fridge overnight.

They see me rollin, they hatin:
 
Is your oven preheated to 350 degrees? I thought so.

Lightly flour your rolling implement and work surface before you start.  You might have a sick marble rolling pin, you might have a Yuengling bottle, but for reals, it doesn't matter. Roll from the center outward, move the dough around and flip it over to keep it mostly unstuck and roundish. Is it sticky? You put too much water in. Use more flour on the work surface. Is it too springy? Let it rest a little longer.


If you're making the kind of pie that has a bottom crust only, it will probably need to be baked before it's filled. So, transfer the crust to the pie pan, fit it in all perty, and stab it all over with a fork.  Alternately, you can just pat the crust in with your hands and not mess with the Yuengling bottle at all. It's a good idea to keep an eye on these crusts while they're baking (ten minutes) because they can sometimes slide down the sides of the pan. You can minimize the chance of this horrible thing happening to you by using the kind of pie pan with a lip, and listening to THIS AWESOME SONG!!


If you're making the kind of pie with a top and bottom crust, roll out both crusts before you put the filling in the bottom crust. Otherwise, your bottom will get all soggified and might possibly stick to the pan as well.  This sort of goes for the bottomcrustonly kind of pies as well; you usually don't want to leave the unbaked pie sitting out of the oven with it's filling already in. Sticky soggybottoms, not pretty. 

Lattice top? Sure. After you have your dough rolled out, cut it into strips. If you're not too picky, you can then just lay the strips across the pie, and then put another layer of strips going the other way, and tuck in the ends. If you want that shit to be actually woven together, then work on a flat cookie sheet, and assemble it using water to glue it together. Then, chill it in the fridge and  transfer the whole thing to the top of the pie.

 Tuck your ends under and crimp all around, and you're ready to bake it. For a super pretty golden brown top crust, brush the pie with a beaten egg, or better yet, cream or milk before you pop it in the oven. A sprinkle of granulated sugar on top is a nice touch!

*fyi: most pies jizz all over the place when you bake them, so put them on a cookie sheet, or rig up a cool piece of tinfoil to catch the jizz, or it will stick to the bottom of your oven, burn and turn into a rocklike substance, and probably set off your smoke detector. You have been warned.





STAY TUNED, part II will feature our favorite kinds of pie filling!! Get ready bitches, we're about to lay some radical pie recipes on you! Ever heard of GRAPE PIE? Yea, we're gonna blow your MINDS!

feed me you asshole! i'm fucking starving.

mushrooms!

grew these in the kitchen
lions mane or pom pom mushrooms
they cook fast
break them apart by tearing with your fingers, saute in butter, salt, pepper
and squeeze a little lemon on it.

Avgolemono Soup (egg lemon)

Oh yeah this is an amazing fucking soup!
It is in a league of its own
creamy and tangy
you will wow your friends!

I have been eating this soup forever with my greek side of the family and making it with wendy since we first started bitchin together.

you will need:
4 eggs room temp
boneless/skinless chicken thighs 2-4  boiled and cut up or shredded
you will need 8 cups of liquid:
1 carton of stock plus some water to get 8 cups, or 2 bouillon cubes in 8 cups of water, or use the chicken thigh water plus some boullion cubes.
juice of 4 lemons
2 garlic cloves crushed
1-2 leeks sliced (depending on the size)
1 rib celery cut into tiny tiny pieces
salt
freshly ground black pepper
pinch of nutmeg
parsley
1/2 cup orzo

ok so saute the leek and celery in a little oil. when the leek is starting to do it's thing (getting all clear and shit) add the water/stock, chicken, parsley, pepper. let the liquid get up to a boil and simmer the broth for 20min or so.
In a medium size bowl on the side you will have cracked the 4 eggs in it and beat them well. 
as you are beating them add the lemon juice. the eggs will start to foam a bit.
get a ladel.
slowly pour the hot broth into the egg bowl while you are beating the eggs!!don't stop, keep it on a steady beat!!this process is much easier with a hand mixer, but you can do it with a fork
.... do this until the side of the bowl is warm.
this process is called tempering the eggs.
now you will slowly pour the contents of the bowl into the soup pot. at this time the heat is tuned off on the stove and you add the orzo and nutmeg. stir stir stir. add salt if it needs.
check the pasta and then serve.
sprinkle fresh cracked black pepper and parsley on the servings.

Toss My Salad!!!

Salads fucking rule.  When you're sweating your balls off, and you feel all droopy and hungry but it's too hot to eat a cheeseburger, you should probably strip down to your underpants and make a salad with your friends.

The remainder of this post will feature softcore panty pictures, hardcore food porn, a recipe for the salad we actually made in our underpants on one hot day in south Philly, and some ideas for other kickass green salads.

 This salad is awful purdy. here's what we put in it:

*Baby arugula
*Sprouts (microgreens would have been awesome too)
*Fresh corn, cut off the cob
*Basil!!
*Cute little strips of Gouda made from goat milk (hell yes, this exists and is the best cheese ever!)
* Pinenuts pinenuts
For the dressing we took a little bit of leftover Homemade mayo (yogurt would have done the trick too) and put it in the food processor with a Cucumber, a clove of Garlic, some Dill, a Squirt of lemon juice, Salt and Pepper.  So simple and so totally delish.

Stuff that makes bitchin' salads:

arugula, spinach, baby beet greens, romaine hearts, BOSTON BIB, BITCH, microgreens, sprouts!! We admit that we even like iceberg lettuce. It's so fucking crunchy, fresh herbs: parsley, dill, chives, basil, cilantro, fennel

toasted or raw: walnuts, pecans, cashews, sunflower seeds, pine nuts, peanuts, MARCONA ALMONDS, sesame sesame sesame seeds

grated beet, grated carrot, fresh corn, tiny little cucumbers, AVOCADO!!, enoki mushrooms, diced apple, orange slices, strawberries, POMEGRANATE seed fruit lumpy awesome things, pears oh pears, red onion

dried cranberries, raisins, apple rings, currants, figs, prunes, cherries, blueberries

For dressings, I sort of just like a nice oil with a nice vinegar for the most part... Our favorite salad oils are olive and walnut, and fav vinegars are sherry, rice, red wine, white and red balsamics... lemon or lime juice can really do the trick too. OH YEA, AND APPLE CIDER VINEGAR!

Other dressings that really rock our world:

Ginger dressing:

Into the food processor with:

*a clove or two of garlic

*a nugget of ginger

*half a carrot

*oil

*lemon juice
*salt an peppa
[definitely use cukes with this dressing, heavenly combo]

<3
*balsamic vinegar

*oregano
*olive oil
*lemon
*crushed garlic(a garlic press is a great thing to have)
*salt and pep

Cilantro & Lime

*cilantro

*lime
*cumin

*seasoned rice vinegar

Holy Shit Blue Cheese
*1/2 c olive oil
*1c blue cheese
* 3 tbs white balsamic vinegar
* 1 clove garlic
* salt and pepper
[put this shit on romaine hearts cut into chunks omg!]

Tahini Dressing
Water down some tahini to a good consistency and add salt and pepper.

Honey Mustard
Dijon mustard and honey, maybe thinned a little with water

 

Happy Time Salad Combo Ideas:

*feta, walnuts, shredded or roasted beet and baby spinach

*arugula, olives, cucumbers, red onion, tomato, pine nuts

*spinach, blueberry, red onion, enoki mushrooms, marcona almonds

*baby greens, sprouts, currants, sesame seeds, diced apple

*baby romaine, dill, fennel, goat cheese, grapes, lemon juice

P.S. Kerrin says, "If you make a bad salad, you're a fucking idiot. Who's gonna put ketchup on a salad!?"