feed me you asshole! i'm fucking starving.

mushrooms!

grew these in the kitchen
lions mane or pom pom mushrooms
they cook fast
break them apart by tearing with your fingers, saute in butter, salt, pepper
and squeeze a little lemon on it.

Avgolemono Soup (egg lemon)

Oh yeah this is an amazing fucking soup!
It is in a league of its own
creamy and tangy
you will wow your friends!

I have been eating this soup forever with my greek side of the family and making it with wendy since we first started bitchin together.

you will need:
4 eggs room temp
boneless/skinless chicken thighs 2-4  boiled and cut up or shredded
you will need 8 cups of liquid:
1 carton of stock plus some water to get 8 cups, or 2 bouillon cubes in 8 cups of water, or use the chicken thigh water plus some boullion cubes.
juice of 4 lemons
2 garlic cloves crushed
1-2 leeks sliced (depending on the size)
1 rib celery cut into tiny tiny pieces
salt
freshly ground black pepper
pinch of nutmeg
parsley
1/2 cup orzo

ok so saute the leek and celery in a little oil. when the leek is starting to do it's thing (getting all clear and shit) add the water/stock, chicken, parsley, pepper. let the liquid get up to a boil and simmer the broth for 20min or so.
In a medium size bowl on the side you will have cracked the 4 eggs in it and beat them well. 
as you are beating them add the lemon juice. the eggs will start to foam a bit.
get a ladel.
slowly pour the hot broth into the egg bowl while you are beating the eggs!!don't stop, keep it on a steady beat!!this process is much easier with a hand mixer, but you can do it with a fork
.... do this until the side of the bowl is warm.
this process is called tempering the eggs.
now you will slowly pour the contents of the bowl into the soup pot. at this time the heat is tuned off on the stove and you add the orzo and nutmeg. stir stir stir. add salt if it needs.
check the pasta and then serve.
sprinkle fresh cracked black pepper and parsley on the servings.

Toss My Salad!!!

Salads fucking rule.  When you're sweating your balls off, and you feel all droopy and hungry but it's too hot to eat a cheeseburger, you should probably strip down to your underpants and make a salad with your friends.

The remainder of this post will feature softcore panty pictures, hardcore food porn, a recipe for the salad we actually made in our underpants on one hot day in south Philly, and some ideas for other kickass green salads.

 This salad is awful purdy. here's what we put in it:

*Baby arugula
*Sprouts (microgreens would have been awesome too)
*Fresh corn, cut off the cob
*Basil!!
*Cute little strips of Gouda made from goat milk (hell yes, this exists and is the best cheese ever!)
* Pinenuts pinenuts
For the dressing we took a little bit of leftover Homemade mayo (yogurt would have done the trick too) and put it in the food processor with a Cucumber, a clove of Garlic, some Dill, a Squirt of lemon juice, Salt and Pepper.  So simple and so totally delish.

Stuff that makes bitchin' salads:

arugula, spinach, baby beet greens, romaine hearts, BOSTON BIB, BITCH, microgreens, sprouts!! We admit that we even like iceberg lettuce. It's so fucking crunchy, fresh herbs: parsley, dill, chives, basil, cilantro, fennel

toasted or raw: walnuts, pecans, cashews, sunflower seeds, pine nuts, peanuts, MARCONA ALMONDS, sesame sesame sesame seeds

grated beet, grated carrot, fresh corn, tiny little cucumbers, AVOCADO!!, enoki mushrooms, diced apple, orange slices, strawberries, POMEGRANATE seed fruit lumpy awesome things, pears oh pears, red onion

dried cranberries, raisins, apple rings, currants, figs, prunes, cherries, blueberries

For dressings, I sort of just like a nice oil with a nice vinegar for the most part... Our favorite salad oils are olive and walnut, and fav vinegars are sherry, rice, red wine, white and red balsamics... lemon or lime juice can really do the trick too. OH YEA, AND APPLE CIDER VINEGAR!

Other dressings that really rock our world:

Ginger dressing:

Into the food processor with:

*a clove or two of garlic

*a nugget of ginger

*half a carrot

*oil

*lemon juice
*salt an peppa
[definitely use cukes with this dressing, heavenly combo]

<3
*balsamic vinegar

*oregano
*olive oil
*lemon
*crushed garlic(a garlic press is a great thing to have)
*salt and pep

Cilantro & Lime

*cilantro

*lime
*cumin

*seasoned rice vinegar

Holy Shit Blue Cheese
*1/2 c olive oil
*1c blue cheese
* 3 tbs white balsamic vinegar
* 1 clove garlic
* salt and pepper
[put this shit on romaine hearts cut into chunks omg!]

Tahini Dressing
Water down some tahini to a good consistency and add salt and pepper.

Honey Mustard
Dijon mustard and honey, maybe thinned a little with water

 

Happy Time Salad Combo Ideas:

*feta, walnuts, shredded or roasted beet and baby spinach

*arugula, olives, cucumbers, red onion, tomato, pine nuts

*spinach, blueberry, red onion, enoki mushrooms, marcona almonds

*baby greens, sprouts, currants, sesame seeds, diced apple

*baby romaine, dill, fennel, goat cheese, grapes, lemon juice

P.S. Kerrin says, "If you make a bad salad, you're a fucking idiot. Who's gonna put ketchup on a salad!?"

 

bitch make me a sandwich!

This sammy is sooooo so good. holy shit.
Alright

the combo: crusty italian bread, hummus, spinach, bacon, potato chips!!!!!!

if i had it i would of added: sprouts! a tomato slice and some mofo red onion!

ok so the sammy above inspired this sammy i ate tonight.
it was real strange.
but amazing.

the combo: crusty loaf, avacado, cilantro (pile on the leaves like lettuce)(sorry if you hate cilantro)(it is the best herb)(maybe one day you will like cilantro)(no it dosen't taste like soap),  asparagus cooked with garlic, and shallot, potatochips, hot sauce. 

sure is a tasty vegan!!!!

once upon a time i made a sammy like so.

.....

bagel sammy

cut bagel and on one half make a pizza...little sauce, little chez, in the toaster...till melt.

on the other half of the bagel you pile on the veggies.

i used: cucumber, tomato slice, red onion, avocado, sprouts

when the pizza side is done and cooked let is cool a bit and put both halfs of this sammy together and up to your face. BLAMO.

another sammy is the tuna and avocado yummy. use the avocado as the mayo, little celery, sesame seeds, onion, black pepper, and if your feeling frisky i recommend pinenuts.

one time wendy made me a venison cheese steak. i have never forgotten about that sammy.

peanut butter and jelly with raisins and cereal in the middle. just a bit. 

mr. rodgers taught me to make a pb&j with popcorn in the middle. its cute

send in your own sammy recipe!

ULTIMATE PIZZA PARTY! (with organic, free-range, ethically harvested local bitching)

If you're thinkin' about learning to bake bread, and do sweet awesome things with dough, pizza is a good place to start.. You can make pizza dough in about an hour, and pizza parties kick ass.

I'm gunna share two crust recipes, one for those of us who enjoy puffy nipples crust, and one for crispy thin crust fans. The puffy crust recipe is what we've been using for years... It's basically a focaccia recipe (top with caramelized onion, rosemary + olive oil and/ or tomato slices + parmesan... you get the idea, i hope), but you can use it as a frybread recipe, or fill it with saucy meat nuggets or fruit and THEN fry it, or bake it. For a really good time, put chunks of pineapple in the dough, deep fry em, and sprinkle with sugar. They sort of partially open up and look like vagina, and they taste almost as good. I call them "pineapple 'giners" or "vaginas de pina" on tamale night.  [I'm sorry this post is so porno.]

The puffy recipe will make two pies, and the crispy will make one, but both recipes work well as singles or doubles and  thanks to the magic of MATH, you can change the recipes to suit your needs

All purpose flour works fine for both of these recipes, so does king arthur's white whole wheat (yea i'm advertising, their flour is always way fresher and rises better than the hippier ass brands), and so does regular bread flour. If you're wanting to use regular ol' whole wheat, you need to know that whole wheat dough can turn out denser and tougher, and it's a good idea to substitute 1/3 or half of the flour with whole wheat.... Also, add the optional honey or sugar, it helps get the yeast goin, or even add a pinch more yeast.

It's important to know that warmer temperature will make your dough finish faster.  The dough is finished rising when you poke a finger in it and the hole stays poked and doesn't fill back in.... Pay attention, because if the dough goes past this point, it will 'overproof' and the gluten strands will break, making the dough all tough and dense- true for any bread you're makin. You know you pulled a boner if the dough is all superpoof and stringy/holey looking...  Hardly ever happens when you're just making pizza (only if it's super effing hot in the kitch),  and also, doesnt really matter that much if pizza dough isn't perfect, but i thought i'd mention it anyway.

Oh, and you also have the option  to do a cold rise- put the dough in the fridge overnight to rise, instead of in a warm spot for an hour.  It'll take the yeasters longer to do their thing in the cold, and the dough gets a slight fermenty taste that is delish. We have a theory that this makes the dough crispier too, anyone care to test the theory?

ANNND gluten free peoples, let us know if you have a good pizza crust recipe that doesn't taste all assy like garbanzos. I imagine that plain ol' polenta would probably make the best GF crust, but i haven't experimented much with wheat freeness, so tell me whatchu know!

Pizzas are like honeybadger, they don't care, they dont give a fuck.... They're good even if they're bad, and you can bake them on a round pan, a square pan, a pizza stone, in a cast iron pan over a fire!! (my good pal Abe says they call this 'spiritual pizza' on Kalalau), on a grill, and you can put anything at all on them! Plus, everyone but Maniac Magee likes pizza, and he'd probably like it too if he wasn't allergic.


PUFFY CRUST:
*1 yeast pack (2 1/4 tsp, for those of you who buy bulk yeast and somehow don't already have that memorized)
*1 1/4 cup hot water
*1 tsp honey or sugar [optional]
*1 tsp salt
*3 cups flour



CRISPY CRUSTERTON:
* 1 yeast pack (quite a bit, eh?)
* 3/4 cup hot water
* 2 tbs olive oil
* 1 tsp salt
*1 3/4 cups flour




 Here's how to do it:
*Dissolve the yeasties in the hot water, and the sugar or honey if you're goin there.

*Add all the other shit, and mix until you get a doughball.

*Knead for ten minutes, or until dough is all smooth and wonderful.... You can use water, oil, or flour to keep it from sticking to your hands.  The crispy dough is super sticky; Kerrin recommends using flour for that one. I usually use water or oil for the thick mickey, because it's got enough damn flour in it. 

*Coat the dough in oil or flour (again, either for the thick one, probably flour for the crisper),  cover with plastic wrap or a dampish clean cloth, and let rise in a warmish place until it's done. Should take 45 min to 1 hr. It'll double in size, so make sure you put it in a big enough bowl, genius.  




NOW:
*Preheat your oven to 450- 475 ish, (with the pizza stone in there, if that's what you're using)

*Put together a team of professional weirdos to cut up and prepare toppings while the dough is rising....


ASSEMBLING YOUR PIZZA BOT:

i need a pizza to sample and hold.

*Ok, so... Get your pan, or your peel, if you're fancy and have a pizza stone heatin up in the oven, and flour it or dust it with cornmeal. Punch down the dough and if you have a double recipe, divide it without handling it too much, and let it sit for ten minutes while you drink a soda, or make out or something, but don't smoke a cigarette. (ARRGGGG I want one SO BAD right now)

*Time to stretch out the doughblob! Be gentle about it. the dough might not have rested long enough and need to hang out on the pan for a bit before it stops shrinking up and refusing to be stretched.

*You could put a little bit of oil on the dough if you're worried about sogginess fucking up your day, you could roll fancy shit up in the crust, you could pray over the pizza at this time. Whatever makes you happy.

*It's easy to get carried away with toppings, keep it to like five things so you can slide it off the peel (if that's how you roll), and then later, get your mouth open wide enough to fit it in.


Here is some shit we love to put on our pizzas:

 *basil (under stuff so it doesn't get too crispy) *fennel chunks *toasty fennel seeds *toasty quinoa seeds *red onions *caramelized sweet onions *roasted garlic *raw garlic *black olives *shit, any kind of olives *bacon *peas *broccoli *broccoli raab *tomato slices *PINE NUTS!! *chiles *your mom *prosciutto *feta *farmer cheeese! *Green peppers *sausage *shroomies *pineapple *spinach *sauce! *pesto *fried breaded eggplant or zucchini *ricotta cheeseee! *arugula *sundried tomaters *fried green tomaters *red peppers *roasted peppers!!!

Dude, you can put ANYTHING on a pizza. You can make any kinda cheese work, any kind of leftover meat chunks, any kind of veggies, tempeh, even tofu, if you like that shit. (It gives me the farts, but suit yourself) Any kind of fresh herbs would probably work... Have fun. Make a pizza.


Bake that shit:

Until it's done. Doesn't take very long.


Also:

No bitching at other people on the pizza crew. ESPECIALLY no fucking bitching about whether or not you should crisp any meat products before they go on the pie. and no bitching about other people's peel-to-pizza stone technique. we're just gunna scarf the entire pizza in ten minutes and shit it out the next day, so no whining.

<3 <3 <3

fresh ginger muffins

this recipe should be a secret. so don't tell anyone. keep it to yourself. 

i hope you are ready for some of the best motherfucking muffins in the world.


you will need:


3 ounces of unpeeled ginger root
3/4 cup plus 3 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons of molasses
2 heaping tablespoons of orange zest
1 stick room temp butter
1/4 tsp vanilla extract
pinch of nutmeg
2 large eggs.....room temp
1 cup buttermilk
2 cups all purpose
1/4 tsp of salt
3/4 tsp baking soda

*****when i made this i forgot to add the buttermilk, they came out super great. so i am thinking that you can make these vegan by subbing flax seed egg mixture for the eggs, and coconut oil for the butter, and almond milk for the buttermilk.*****





how to make:

oven 375*  grease a muffin tin


this is preety typical baking but.......


you grate the ginger. 3 ounces....i used a kitchen scale, it is more then you think. about a full handful, no joke. a whole quarter of a cup packed tightly.
so you take this freshly grated ginger and put in a small fry pan on the stove top. put on low and add 1/4 cup sugar. the sugar will dissolve and the ginger will start to smell wonderful. this process takes no longer then 5 min. but make sure the sugar and ginger become one. 
next zest the oranges. add 3 tablespoons of sugar and let them hang out for a bit. 


now you do the thing with the wet and dry. 
i used a mixer. 
first you cream the butter and add the rest of the sugar. then eggs, vanilla....smooth it out ladies and gents,,,,,then add the orange and molasses to the ginger, mix them together and put into the batter along with the buttermilk. now you add the dry stuff in bits....smooth the batter out. 


put in greased muffin tin. 
bake 20 min or so.....stick a pick in it.
beautiful

brussels sprouts

ok now there are so many ways to cook these motherfuckers. but this way is in some sense of the words "the way"

adapted over the years from friends.

you will need:
*a bag of brussel sprouts   cut them in half
 (i think most of the time they are packed in 1/2pd bags)
*butter  i like the irish stuff.
*one large onion
*salt and pepp
*nutmeg
*oregano
*pine nuts
*bacon two to three strips or more if you want you fatass
*white wine
*fresh parsley chopped up

here is how you make it:

fry up that bacon!!!!! if you don't do meat then skip this. it will still taste fucking amazing.
drain off most of the bacon fat, and put the crispy strips to the side.

put some butter (1tablespoon) with the bacon fat in the pan and cut up the onion in thick rounds, saute. now this part takes a bit because you are going to saute on low for about 20 mins or so. the onions are going to do amazing things!!!! truly.
so you can cover those bitches and check them often, sprinkle with salt and pepper.
when the onions are almost done add 3-4 cloves of garlic. crush, dice, chop, whole..whatever you like.

now you can throw in the brussel sprouts, sprinkle with nutmeg, oregano and add more salt and pepper. also add more butter(another tablespoon). cover and check for when the brussels are almost done pour in some white wine. i am thinking 1/4 cup. let the alcohol cook off. add a small handful of pinenuts or walnuts, chopped up bacon pieces, fresh parsley if you got it.

enjoy!

pictures bitches

kerrin

wendy drinking special egg nog

pizzels

sushi made with avacado, scallions, cilantro, sushi rice, sesame seeds.

wendy

3 fried red snappers made with a coconut, miso, lime, ginger, cilantro sause

kerrin frying the fish in coconut oil. (i am secretly freaking out cause i have never in my life fried anything this fucking big)

saltine candy

wait till you try this

i hope your ready for this, cause this is the shit!!!!!

you will need:

oven at 350*
2 sticks of salted butter
1 cup of sugar
1 bag of semisweet choc chips
1 sleeve saltine crackers with salted tops

cookie/baking sheet with a lip around the edges---line with parchment paper, and spread the saltines perfectly over the sheet, set this aside.
meanwhile in a sauce pan melt butter and sugar together. mix mix mix until smooth. dump and spread this mixture over the saltines. put in oven until the butter/sugar turns light brown and starts to bubble.
take out of the oven and dump choc chips over the crackers with the butter/sugar, the chocolate with melt and you will need to spread chips to even it out. put in freezer or fridge to set.
holy shit.
this is amazing and if you want you can melt peanut butter and drizzle over top after you spread the choc chips.


wow your friends

caribbean stew

looks pretty fucking stewy

This recipe was given to me from a very dear friend. It is rich, tangy and so fucking good!!!!

you will need:

*1 1/2 pds of stew beef
*salt and pepper
*onions----we like to use tiny yellow stew onions. cut in quarters.
  if you only have big yellow onions use one whole one.
*minced or grated ginger---about 1/2'' piece (you can always use more)
*carrots 2-3 cut in big big pieces
*1 can of diced tomatoes in juice
*1/3 cup apple cider vinegar
*1/3 cup unsulfured molasses
a pot with cover to cook in over the stove top that can transfer to the oven


How to make it:
preheat oven to 250*
salt and pepper the beef. brown in a pan with onions. if there is a lot of fat then remove the beef with a slotted spoon and pour off the fat. then add the onions. saute until onions are soft.
add ginger, carrots, can of tomatoes, apple cider vinegar, and molasses. bring to a boil.
cover and put in oven.
let the stew sit in the oven for about 2-3 hours. but check to make sure. adjust seasonings.
serve over brown rice

wow your friends.

thai peanut chicken and rice noodles

Contributed by Kristen Pantelakis

This looks super tasty!!!!!!
veggies you will need are at the bottom of the recipe and the chicken can be substituted for beef or tofu.

combine in a bowl:

2 tbsp peanut butter, crunchy is better
1 &1/2 in piece of ginger, grated
1/2 tbsp tahini mixed with 1/2 tbsp h2o
3-4 large garlic cloves, crushed
1/2 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp garlic powder
2 tbsp soy sauce (low sodium)
1 tbsp ponzu sauce
1-2 tsp rice vinegar
1/4 tsp toasted sesame oil
1 tbsp sriracha hot sauce
2-3 tbsp chicken or beef or vegetable broth
lime juice and a little zest

mix to combine and taste, add more ginger, sriracha, lime, etc to adjust flavor and set aside (these measurments are estimated)

cook rice noodles and set aside

season 2 large chicken breasts with s & p, cumin and garlic powder
cook chicken in a large oiled pan or wok (5min on each side or until done) and set aside, cut into strips 

in the same pan saute:
a few handfuls of sugar snap peas (i cook these for one minute in the water i boil the rice noodles in)
1 red bell pepper cut into thin strips
1 serrano chili, diced
3-4 green onions, chopped (reserve some green parts for topping)
when vegetables are cooked,
add rice noodles, a few splashes of soy sauce and rice vinegar mix it all together

serve topped with chicken, peanut sauce on the chicken, lots and lots and lots of cilantro and some green onions